The definitive guide to connecting at the office Christmas Party
It is the season to have sexual relations with people you shouldn't. Why? When you combine alcohol, holiday parties, and a group of coworkers, you are absolutely, positively, begging for disaster. It's science, in essence.
As we discussed a few weeks ago, people are getting it on (or at least fantasizing about it) at the office even without the holiday spirit pumping somewhat drunkenly through their veins. If this is true throughout the year, then the holidays bring out the sexier times even more.
According to a national survey conducted by Trojan and Harris Interactive, 24 percent of Americans have hooked up with a coworker during or immediately after a holiday party, with 42 percent of men and 27 percent of women between the ages of 18 and 34 participating. In fact, the top three occasions for holiday hookups are New Year's, Christmas, and office parties, in that order.
So, where should you seduce that guy from the graphic design department during the holiday season? Honestly, no location is off-limits if you are inventive and flexible.
1. Copy Space
How Many Perform This Task Here: 10%
Pros: Every type of room must have a door. Even if it doesn't lock, you can place obstacles in front of it to give yourself time to pull your skirt back up before you're completely exposed.
Due to a plethora of films that make copy machine hookups look seductive, you are likely not to be completely alone.
Best Sexual Position In This Position: Definitely standing, or the woman sitting tall and confidently on the copier. Anyone up for a photo for the memories?
2. The Manager's Desk
How Many Perform This Task Here: 10%
Pros: Who hasn't despised their boss so much that they've wanted to destroy their desk with passionate love, only to see their boss eat lunch there two days later?
This is by far the riskiest option, as it is certain to result in termination if discovered.
Best Sexual Position In This Position: You can do the sitting thing, by why not go balls to the wall and sweep everything off the desk and lay right down on it? You've been daydreaming about this for years, so go all out or go home.
3. Mailroom
16% of the population conducts this activity here.
If you're bored, you can look through other people's mail?
Cons: It is impossible to predict when someone will decide to check their mail.
Best Sexual Position In This Position: Obviously, a missionary style slumber on a full mailbag is quite comfortable.
4. Convention Room
How Many Perform This Task Here: 18%
Pros: You have access to a large table and numerous chairs. It will be like a carnival of sexcapades involving office furniture.
Cons: If it goes horribly wrong or you end up regretting it, the room will be a constant reminder (and you do spend a considerable amount of time there) that will cause blushing and dry-heaving for the remainder of your time at the company.
Best Sexual Position In This Position: Ladies, you've got this one covered! Why do you think conference tables are so large? Also, the woman on top while seated in a chair, particularly if the chair has wheels and the room has a beautiful view of the city below. It will be divine in every way.
5. Bringing An Associate Home
74% of individuals comply.
It can remain your dirty little secret for all time.
Cons: Attempting to persuade the individual to leave the following morning without being a complete jerk about it.
Best Sexual Position In This Position: The correct position in this circumstance is whichever way the human body bends.
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